[At times, many of our directors and ministers have been called upon to assist readers, members and seminarians in their path and studies.]

J.R. (Mardukite Student) June 16, 2010 at 3:00am:
I am writing this with the hope of getting some of my motivation back. It seems that i have lost it (or some of it at least). The work I have been doing lately has consisted of meditations, the qabalistic cross rite, and LBRP. it has worked well so far, I think, but I am not getting as much from it anymore as i used to. I have begun to doubt what i am doing and therefore I am beginning to loose motivation. I’ve been reading a lot of different stuff lately, most the mystical qabbalah. I think my biggest problem is that I feel alone on this venture of mine. I know you’re supposed to handle it yourself but a mentor of some sort would have been nice or maybe a kick in the butt somewhere.

Hybride (Mardukite Council Admin) June 16, 2010 at 7:17am:
You’re never alone. Yes, it may feel that way, but it’s not ever that way. Can it be that you’ve learned what you had to, and that’s why you’re no longer getting as much as you used to? Why are you so hard on yourself? What are you trying to achieve? And why are you trying to achieve it? What kind of meditations are you doing, and how long? Maybe it’s not even the meditations that you are doing that’s wrong, it’s the intent behind it that is screwing you up. It’s better to stop than to force something to happen.

J.R. June 16, 2010 at 7:35am:
Well I meant that i feel lonely in this because I cant really count on any support from my environment; at least not the closest of them. Concerning the meditations and such, I have been following a three month project of sorts, but I cant really say that I have thought of achieving anything else than simply the focusing of my mind and improving visualization – which i have improved to some degree at least. The same goals go for meditation, mind and visualization. I guess I haven’t really thought of the intent behind it except I want to find out if there is something else I have yet to discover, or something like that.

Hybride June 16, 2010 at 7:50am:
Why can’t you count on your closest surroundings? – the question becomes, do you even want to? Some things take time, and some visualize and focus easier than others. Is it truly a project, a scientific endeavor to find out “can I do it?” Or is this trying to validate something (I know you said you want to discover something, but you never mention what)? Without a well-thought out intent, does it matter if it’s improvement or just “to know”? Without a well-thought out intent, you’ll never get far, always at a stand still. You’ll have to figure out the WHY you are doing this, first and foremost. As with every spell, meditation, or visualization, anything in general, if there is no WHY, then just stop doing whatever it is you’re doing until you figure out why or it will backfire. If there is no good reason, then you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be.

J.R. June 16, 2010 at 8:11am:
Magic has always been the goal for me, but since I am fairly new to it I really don’t know what magic is. I have read about other peoples perception of it, but I haven’t really experienced anything myself yet. My reason for it well… ain’t wanting to experience it good enough for starters? I certainly don’t have anything like world domination or such in mind… Do you maybe have anything to recommend regarding intent?

Hybride June 16, 2010 at 8:20am:
Well, what is magick? What do you think magick is? Magick is experienced differently by everyone; you won’t always get the same reaction from two people. So I can’t tell you what really magick is, because it may be a different experience from what you have or may possibly have. I might be able to tell you what it’s not, but that’s subjective as well. And if you’re answering my question with another question, then you still have to figure out what it is you want to do. Magick doesn’t have to be for world domination. It could be a breathing exercise done for 30 seconds before you go to bed for one; another does 5 hours of meditations; another just looks around what’s outside and sees magick. It’s up to YOU to define what it is, and don’t allow others to hinder with what their thoughts are. There is no right or wrong answer.

As far as your surroundings go, we’ve all been there. Many of us have/had somewhat religious fanatical parents (speaking from experience), so reaching out would be detrimental to our evolution and our health. There are many “solitary practitioners” around. You have to make the decision whether or not you want to go out and “shout to the world” what you are or what you’re doing; or, you can stay in the comforts of your home and no one has to know. That’s a personal decision you have to make for yourself.
For intent, I can’t tell you either how to do it. That’s something you feel within yourself. When I started “practicing” (which is by no means conventional), I decided that the actual magick practicing (casting spells, etc), didn’t mean anything to me (it may for others, wasn’t my cup of tea). My intent was to learn the Truth, and that no matter what happened to me, I needed to find the Truth out. That’s what I did, that’s been my motto to this day. It wasn’t just really out of the blue that I decided that. It took me a very long time to get to that point, so don’t worry if you feel yourself not progressing fast enough. Patience!

J.R. June 16, 2010 at 8:39am:
Magic, I guess, for me its not about throwing fireballs or lightning, tough it would be very cool. For now I would say its about energy of sorts my personal and external, and making use of that energy in various ways. I remember that when I was little, I was playing Yahtzee, a dice game, and i recall that if I focused enough I could very often get the results I wanted. I would say just wanting it hard enough made it possible, and now I think that its connected somehow to magic. Visualizing what I wanted in my at that time pure mind (free from distractions) made it possible. So i think in some way its connected with mind exercises, that’s why I think I’m on the right track. Ever since I was very little i have found that anything at all related to the word magic have been something that has peeked my curiosity.

Hybride June 16, 2010 at 9:15am:
Perhaps rather than trying to figure out how to connect to it with this method or that method, just open yourself up to that connection? What I mean is, you can do millions of exercises and thousands of years have gone by without a single result. From what am reading you have the intent without the connection. Just let yourself go. When you sit there just *feel* all of that energy going through you and around you – that it is you. Every sensation, completely open yourself up to it. Give in to magick, the idea of, the love of, the existence of magick. Look at magick with the same adoration and curiosity you had as a child: a child knows; it’s the adult’s ego that blinds them from finding it. Become a child for magick again. (It’s a highly romantic ideal but try it!)

J.R. June 16, 2010 at 9:41am:
Wow. I got shivers reading that last part. I have been thinking like that trying to connect by the use of various exercises as a means to an end. I have also been trying to do just that, just feel through my whole body feel it flowing through me pulsating with my heartbeat like blood, I have been able to feel just a little joy/excitement but i always “come down” unable to let myself go with it. It seems to me like you have an extraordinary ability of perception you saw things I’ve barely acknowledged to myself. Thanks a lot its been really helpful!